Drive-Thru Ordeal

An intruder flew into my car while ordering drive-thru at McDonald’s Banaue. Its size suggests it was the grandfather of all the cockroaches in that district of Quezon City. I was bawling out my order when it suddenly landed on my windowsill.

“One McChicken with fries and… whoa, COCKROACH!!!”

“Sorry, sir, it’s not available today,” was the response I thought I heard from the voice in the speaker. It wasn’t on the menu, either.

My analytical mind went through a multiple choice of what-to-do-with-the-roach-staring-at-me-30cms-away within a multiple choice of what-to-order-for-dinner. I was hungry and so was the wife seated shotgun beside me. I needed to make choices pretty fast -because if I didn’t, granny roach might creep in deep into the crevices of the interiors. Dinner would be out of the question then. And the wife will be screaming like Anne Curtis all the way home. If home is where we end up after. 

The thought of no-touch, blow-it-away would have been a good option but what if it attacked my face while inhaling air to blow out? ¡Qué horror!

Adding Baygon Multi Insect Killer Spray (Advanced Formula) to our dinner may take time.

Without further analysis, a quick flick of my middle finger hit its ugly head so badly, I saw it fly away without its head. Then, I spent the next five minutes spraying my hands and car window with alcohol.

Dinner was ordered and served. Peacefully.

And I have this story to tell.

Cheers!

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A Porky Sunday

Six-and-a-half years ago, after having an angioplasty, I went on a fully vegan diet because of health reasons. I ate nothing that had a face or a mother. And it was good.

After a full year, in order to check if what I was doing was doing mi corazon any good or if it was just for naught, I went for a CT-angiogram. It’s a process that blah, blah, blah using the latest blah, blah, blah. The results were encouraging. My veins were in a better state than they were the previous year.

With limited protein, I lost an amount of weight equivalent to a medium-sized lechon de leche. Also, the wife was spending twice as much time in the kitchen prepping for two sets of meals every time. So I decided to eat fish again which was also good for my cardio health. But my uric acid level exploded through my joints, most apparent of which was the dreadful gout. Many of the local fish I was eating had a generous amount of purine which left me with no choice, again, but…

Two years ago, my life took another turn -I started eating chicken again to the further delight of my queen. I was getting less and less difficult to feed. My fatty deposits kept earning hefty interest, especially around the mid-area.

Recently, my health took a turn for the worse -see previous post for details. With my current pulmo condition, and since I have lost the lechon de leche, that, for some years now, had been residing in my love handles, my doctor advised me to stop dieting in the meantime. He added that if I didn’t, I’d be mistaken for impersonating Celine Dion in no time at all.

So I am back to eating pork!

Last Sunday’s brunch with my brother’s family and mine was my inaugural of sorts. Samgyupsal with all the pork legally available in Quezon City was served. The event was covered by underground media.

The next day, I had two servings of sinigang and two trips to the crappy throne. My tummy was adjusting pretty much faster than I thought.

I am staying away from beef, still. And I don’t really mind.

“Th-th-th-that’s all, folks!” Cheers!

If you’ve been touched, amused, or entertained by this post, or it put a smile on your face, please favor me with a cup of coffee via GCash or PayPal. I will continue writing.